FADE IN:

Mike Watt and Amy Lynn Best come up with an idea. What Pittsburgh needs is a cool horror convention!

 

DISSOLVE TO SHOW THE PASSAGE OF TIME:

Many months later, they have made all of the preparations, booked the hotel and guests, and now it's time for the show!

 

FLASHBACK:

Mike and Amy are begging me to be a guest, because they need my star power to bring in the fans.

 

MIKE- Please?

AMY- Yeah, please?

ERIC- Okay. But I want one of those heart shaped boxes that usually holds chocolates, but this box will be filled with Boba Fett action figure heads.

MIKE AND AMY- Sold!

  

 

Cut back to the present, as I remember the past while typing this memoir. I traveled all the way from Maryland to attend the first Genghis Con! And this is my story...

Cue the title!

  

 

 

 

Photos taken by Leanna Chamish and Eric Thornett

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I am at my table, which I commandeered from some porn star who didn't show up. So it was a bittersweet victory. It was a win since I got this great table next to Joe Bob Briggs, Debbie Rochon and H.G. Lewis, but it was a loss because now I couldn't meet a porn star.

As you can see, I was promoting my movie Shockheaded, and also selling ties...for cheap! Which would be more popular? Only time would tell!

  

 

 

 

 

   

Here's Leanna Chamish, who came up from my area to check out the show and generally hang out. While she wasn't a guest, she is a horror star in her own right, having been in many of Don Dohler's productions. In fact, she was recognized several times at the show.

One of those was from me, but that probably doesn't count since I knew her personally already.

Or maybe...it does?

No it doesn't.

  

 

 
I borrowed this digital camera from good friend Jason Russler. It's a great camera with a super fast capture. This was taken about a quarter of a second before Leanna slapped me in the face, and you can't even see a blur.
    

 

   

And here are the hosts, Amy Lynn Best and Mike Watt. Amy's the one on the left, and Mike's the other one. The two were busy all weekend, and probably very drunk.

That last statement would be more accurate if you replaced "probably" with "stinking," and "very" with "extremely," and "drunk" with "really drunk."

  

 

 
So now I started swinging the camera around to see who else was around us! Here are two members of the Happy Cloud Picture family, Tim Gross and Charlie Fleming. All weekend long I tried to make them cry, but to their credit, they held it in. I bet they cried when they got home though.
    

 

   

I swung the camera around again, and caught Mark Baranowski in the act of taking my picture without my permission! We snapped pictures of each other until our fingers bled and our eyes grew watery.

As you can see, Mark's wife Ryli Morgan thought this was hilarious. Every second of it.

 

 

 

Here's Mark again. He put me to shame with his puffed hair, manly stubble and single earring. The only way I could compete was by throwing some old mints at him, but he didn't even care.

Seriously, does he look like a guy who would care?

   

 

 

 

 

The tally so far:

Time spent at the show: two hours.

Time spent at the table: twelve minutes.

Ties sold: zero.

  

 

 

 

   
Tim and Charlie came over to console me, and give each other sexy rubdowns.
 

 

 
My theory of viewing people through the alternate dimension of Charlie's glasses was proven a bust, as the reality is that they just looked sort of concave.
   

 

 

Some tribespeople in the world think that taking someone's picture steals their soul. Here we see a photo of Ryli next to the real person. So we can assume her soul would have been in that picture. However, since I took a picture of the picture, I stole the soul with this picture. But I assume that Ryli wants her soul back, so I made sure to publish this on the page, and she can take a photo of the screen and at the very least, have the photo that holds her soul.

The question is, how does she get her soul back inside of herself? Grind the picture up and use it as seasoning? They don't teach this kind of thing in Catholic school for some reason.

    

 

 

   
Here is Ryli trying out her puppy dog eyes on me. I don't remember what she wanted, but I probably felt guilty and gave it to her.
 

 

 

And here's a picture of some antics! Oh my, the antics! Ryli's making a funny face! Charlie's taking a picture of me taking a picture! And right off camera there's a pack of Boy Scouts running around on fire!

Who cares about them, though? Look at Ryli's l'il tongue!

   

 

 

 

 

 

Time spent at the show: five hours.

Time spent at the table: two hours and thirty eight minutes.

Ties sold: zero.

  

 

 

 

 

   
Here I am with the saucy Alan Rowe Kelly. Alan is part of the Heretic Films family, so you just know he's a great guy!
  

 

 
Wow, a sale! Greedily I took the money, and put it in my shirt pocket right next to my black, evil heart. That afternoon I used it to buy an enchilada.
    

 

   

And then Debbie Rochon came along, commandeered the room, and bought a tie! We haggled over the price for awhile...I think we eventually settled on her paying me twenty cents, plus she promised not to throw any more empty soda bottles at me.

At first I thought I really made out, but Debbie started throwing FULL soda bottles at me.

Debbie Rochon defeats yet another person with her legal mumbo jumbo.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time spent at the show: seven hours and thirty two minutes.

Time spent at the table: two hours and fifty eight minutes.

Ties sold: one.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 
And with that, it was time to close, and a group of us decided to head out to dinner and then...the after party! What celebrities will I meet? And will I sell the other tie? Read the next page and find out!
 

 

 

PAGE TWO