Boy, we sure were hungry! We didn't really know where anything was, so we got directions to the place that real rebels of darkness and horror go to...the Olive Garden!

I had never been to an Olive Garden before. I may be suburban, but I'm not THAT suburban! So Leanna, Mark, Ryli and I headed out to eat mediocre food in a white-bread setting.

 

 

And then...the party!

  

 

   
The party started off as all great parties do...sitting on a couch. Oh yeah, and groping babes. This picture was taken by that pervert Mark Baranowski, who was intruding on what we called "Leanna's Special Time."
  

 

 
The party was being held in the bar of the hotel...all the better for drinking! Even though I don't drink, I could act like I was! Surely there would be celebrities that I could regale with my Olive Garden quality wit!
   

 

   
Ryli decided to start the night off with a bang, and she showed me her tattoo. I screamed and cursed at it, but it didn't care.
 

 

 
To this date, I do whatever the tattoo says. The tattoo is my master now.
   

 

   
Things were already hopping at the bar. Joe Bob Briggs was nice enough to answer my numerous questions about Casino and his writing. He's an incredibly nice, low-key guy.
 

 

 

And here's Heidi Martinuzzi! She was going undercover as a five year old, but those pigtails didn't fool me. That is NOT coffee in her cup!

And look, there's Reggie Bannister behind us! And behind Reggie, a karoke machine!

   

 

   
Debbie showed up, still wearing that great tie. She had me sign it too. If we were a gang, that tie would be our "colors."
  

 

 

Amy had a long conversation with Leanna about how clever and handsome I am. I'm pretty sure that's what they were saying because I heard my name, and then what I'm sure was appreciative laughter.

I didn't care for the shirt Amy was wearing though. I don't like birds with speech impediments.

   

 

 

We all got thrown out around one, and then we went to a super SECRET party which I can't tell you about. But why would you care...there weren't monkeys or robot cars or anything cool there. Just more talking and booze.

But we had to get our rest because we had another full day of Genghis Con ahead of us!

  

 

 

 

 

 

So the next day, all bright-eyed and ready to go, the doors opened once again. To recap, let's put up the tallies once more:

 

Time spent at the show: seven hours and thirty two minutes.

Time spent at the table: two hours and fifty eight minutes.

Ties sold: one.

 

I needed to sell that second tie!

  

 

 

 

   
"Don't worry!" screamed Leanna. "I'll help you sell that tie!"
  

 

 
Mark took this picture while we were discussing strategies. We thought that being really loud would work.
    

 

 

 

Leanna pretended the tie was her tongue, made a sock puppet out of it, and tried to pass it off as "a delicious muffin." Yet nobody wanted to buy it.

Could it be that this show would end in failure?

I couldn't stand yet another failure.

"Buck up Eric!" said Leanna. "We'll sell that tie yet!"

  

 

 

   

First she stopped by Reggie Bannister's table. "Will you buy Eric's tie?" she asked.

"No thank you," replied Reggie. "I already have a tie, and mine's a lot better because it's a tiny little head."

  

 

 

"How about you, Joe Bob?" asked Leanna.

"I already have a tie, and it matches my coat" he replied.

   

 

   

She went to horror legend H.G. Lewis, who is an incredibly nice fellow. "Mr, Lewis, would you care to buy Eric's tie?" she asked, batting her eyes twice.

"I don't even have a collar," said Mr. Lewis.

 

 

 

Things were getting desperate, so I stepped in and batted my eyes four times. "Please buy my tie?" I begged.

Amy Lynn Best walked over. "Get away from Mr. Lewis before I stab you," she snarled.

    

 

 

 

So that was it. The game was over. Amy really did have a knife, and I knew she would use it. Let's show the final tally:

 

Time spent at the show: fourteen hours and thirteen minutes.

Time spent at the table: five hours and four minutes.

Ties sold: one.

  

 

 

 

   

But wait! Suddenly, Ed Neal from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre showed up! He was intrigued with the tie. Acting quickly, Leanna told him about how warm the tie would make his neck, and how colorful it was, and how babes LOVE ties.

He offered me twelve cents for the tie. I countered by complaining about how much overhead I had, and offered it to him for ninety cents. We haggled for awhile until we finally came upon a mutually accepted price of forty eight cents and a shoelace tip he found on the floor.

  

 

 
And with that, the tie was sold! I deemed the convention a huge sucess!
    

 

 

Time spent at the show: fourteen hours and forty nine minutes.

Time spent at the table: five hours and thirty four minutes.

Ties sold: two!

 

 

 

VICTORY!

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

And with that, Leanna had to pack up and go home. She said I could keep all of the tie profits, which I appreciated because I really wanted to buy that pack of peanut M&Ms from the vending machine.

We said our farewells and she gave me a goodbye slap, and left for her long drive home.

    

 

   
Ryli's tattoo was telling me it was time to leave as well, so I gathered my wares and my half-eaten bag of M&Ms, said my goodbyes to Amy and Mike, and headed back home to Maryland.
  

 

 

 

And that's the end of my story. The convention was a great success and I'm glad I was invited to participate. If Mike and Amy decide to throw another one, I'll be there!