PIRANHA PICTURES NEWS
updated by Eric Thornett himself!
8/15/07
PIRANHA PICTURES DOUBLE FEATURE!
Horror at the Hagar, a theatre in Hagerstown MD which shows horror double features, has asked to show a double feature of my stuff. I said sure, and so it's scheduled for Sat, Sept 1! They usually have a drive in screen running, and that's where I had wanted to show the movies but unfortunately it's under reconstruction right now. So that stinks. Because these are some drive-in types of movies! So instead, it will be in the cineplex portion. Specific info can be found here:
http://www.myspace.com/hagerdrivein
In other news, I've been recently getting on the ball a little more in sending out Fifth City to reviewers. I don't want to hit too many places because when the movie gets released we wants the reviews then, so people will know it's out. And I've been talking to some distribs so we'll see how that goes. So here are a few reviews...I have another really nice one from Shock Cinema magazine, which I need to scan. Rouge Cinema says:
"This film very literally has the best martial arts fighting scenes I've ever seen in an independent film."
Very cool!
http://www.roguecinema.com/article-1068--0-0.html
http://10kbullets.com/reviews/f/fifth-city
5/1/07
FIFTH CITY PREMIERE PICTURES ARE UP!
Maybe you'll see yourself! Well, if you were there. Although what if you WEREN'T there, and you see yourself in one of the pictures? What would that mean? Could it be an evil clone? Or what if you died and didn't realize it, and you were looking at the pictures of your ghost and no one else could see you? You know...I'm in some of those pictures! What if it's a clone of ME? Or what if I'M a clone? I remember being at the premiere, but what if they downloded the real Eric's memories into what's surely some kind of robot brain? Well, you guys can check out the premiere pictures while I perform brain surgery on myself!
3/26/07
ANOTHER SEMI-ROUSING SUCCESS FOR PIRANHA PICTURES!
The big Fifth City premiere went well, all things considering! The sound blew up about twenty minutes in, but thanks to Jason Russler we got things back on track. Everyone seemed to like the movie, and we irritated the staff of Lone Star afterward by taking about 30 people there at ten in the evening. But thanks to everyone who was able to show, and Christi and her husband John win the award for traveling the furthest distance, from New York. It was really great to see eveyone there! Everyone who came to the show got a DVD of the movie, complete with trailer and half an hour of behind the scenes footage! Eight of those minutes are devoted to Christi Etcher tripping over various objects. Thanks to everyone for helping to make this movie, and together we made the world just a little bit dumber.
FIFTH CITY PREMIERE!
3/1/07
Okay folks, the date is set, so here's the info! Fifth City will be shown on Saturday, March 24th at 7pm. It will be held in the Rosborough Center in Gaitherburg, MD. Admission is free! For address and directions, check out this link: http://www.montgomeryplayhouse.org/directions.htm
And, unlike Shockheaded, this is a pretty general admission type of movie, so we shouldn't have any walkouts this time! Well, at least not due to gory content.
FIFTH CITY TRAILER DEBUTS!
1/10/07
In all of it's glory! Check it out on the Multimedia page!:
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
10/26/06
Even though we had a nationwide release of Shockheaded, I found myself very poor this year. I wanted to dress up like Scarface but I couldn't afford a costume and props. So I had to make do with what I had. Click the link to see the video!
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
REVIEWS OF GOODNESS!
10/1/06
I just personally updated the Shockheaded reviews page! See who is smart and gave it a good review!
SHOCKHEADED IS RELEASED!
6/27/06
The world may ask me to apologize, but I will defy it! Be sure to buy three copies for you, three for your friends, and FIVE for your enemies! You buy them five because if they are your enemy, they would not like this movie because they obviously have such bad taste.
There are literally THOUSANDS uses for Shockheaded DVDs! For a small sampling, go to this page...
http://www.piranha-pictures.com/Shockheaded_After/Shockheaded_Release.htm
Now all I need to do is sit back and wait for my diamond encrusted spaceship to show up! I ordered one from Taiwan, so it's certain to be well made and get me to Mars, where I can sit back, enjoy the sunset, and freeze to death.
DISTRIBUTION FOR SHOCKHEADED!
3/9/06
If you’ve ever wanted to pop a Diet Pepsi and pour it on your neighbor, here is some news that will give you that excuse! The big news in Piranha Pictures Land is that I have signed Shockheaded to a distribution deal with Heretic Films.
Now the question is, how well will it do? I’ve done some calculations. The model I’m basing these calculations on is popular Hollywood movie, Titanic.
Titanic made almost two billion dollars worldwide. Obviously this release won’t make that much money because we have neither Leonardo DiCaprio nor a giant boat. Based on these facts, I think the movie would only make a billion and a half. However, the release is only for North America and not the world, so I have to cut the figures down some more, to one billion. Which isn’t bad at all, considering Titanic only made six hundred million in the US. So we’ve already done better than Titanic!
What are the further plans for Piranha Pictures? I’ll tell you. I was planning to take my share of the billion dollars and use it to genetically create a six foot tall popcorn kernel. Next, I'll fund the building of a hundred foot tall fishing pole, and a forty foot tall microwave oven. Then I’ll ship these materials to Scotland, pop the giant kernel, and use it to catch the Loch Ness Monster. My theory is that he would like popcorn. Then I would have him shipped back to the US, take some pictures with him, and then have him for dinner. I think after working on this movie for so long, I’ve earned the right to eat a monster.
NEW POOP!
2/12/06
It's been awhile since I've updated this page, but that's what happens when you have to make trips to the moon every few days! But now there's some new poop for you to look at!
The Poopie page has been updated with all kinds of new junk! A photo session I had with Bette Cassatt, the wrap-up for Genghis Con, and a special photo poem starring Debbie Rochon and Joe Bob Briggs! Amazing!
In other news, David Stewart's movie Confinement, which I was the DP and fight choreographer on, and stars Piranha Pictures alum Demetrius Parker Sr. and Bette Cassatt, has been invited to its first film festival in Roanoke Virginia! I hope to be there to give David lots and lots of encouragement, rocks to the face, and advice. But mostly the rocks.
In other, sadder news, Alvin Ecarma's movie Dodge Jackson, which I was doing the DP and action directing for, has officially died. I think it's a shame because it was coming out really well, but what can you do? At any rate, if you want to see a brief fight scene from the movie, plus some stills from the shooting, check out this link:
http://divergentthinking.net/News/Dodgejacksonpix.htm
More info to come soon!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN FUN TIME FROM PIRANHA PICTURES!
10/31/05
It's that time of year again! Halloween! Wow!
We had something really elaborate planned for our Halloween treat this year. I mean, how do you top a scary short film about a hillbilly spider with a human head? So here's what we were going to do:
First, we'd organize thousands of people all across the globe in countries like Japan, China, England, France, and of course the good old USA. Everyone would be given specific instructions and would sign legal documents agreeing to participate EXACTLY according to the directions. Then, at the specified time (which we had planned for 12:01 am on Oct 31st), everyone would recite the ancient words we had provided which would in essence create a worldwide seance that would have certainly brought an apocalypse of bloodthirsty demons and hobgoblins that would have ravaged all of humanity until all that was left of the world was a barren wasteland of rotten flesh.
But then I realized that was going to be a lot of work for no real reward since everyone would be dead, so you'll have to settle for this picture of me shoving a cat into a pumpkin.
Also, be sure to check out the Poopie page for the return of Spider Ghost!
7/13/05
PIRANHA PICTURES UPDATE! WITH 13% MORE INFORMATION!
It's been awhile since my last update so before I get to stories about all the glamorous adventures I've made up, here is some other breaking news that's more fun than being kissed a million times by a thousand kittens.
First, David Stewart has just posted the trailer for his new movie Confinement. If you like cowboys, spaceships, hipster swordsmen and killer robot babies, you could do worse than clicking to his trailer page where you can choose the size you want. This trailer will be especially interesting for anyone who has the burning need to see what I would look like with spray painted black hair as I jump kick suburbanites stuck in a jungle while wearing a snakeskin jacket.
And I know that's all of you.
Filming is set to commence next month for Alvin Ecarma's follow up to his acclaimed movie Lethal Force, called Dodge Jackson. The film is an action homage to blaxploitation female empowerment movies from the 70s. Also, Lethal Force has been picked up by a pretty big distribution outlet called Unearthed, and will be released...uh...at some point. For more info, check out Alvin's site!
Now, on to more exciting news...stuff that involves ME! I'm preparing Shockheaded for DVD release, which is a big pain in the neck especially since I'm unorganized and lazy. Editing is coming along on Fifth City. I'm working on the soundtrack right now with Jason Russler, and it's coming along well. In fact, it's coming along very interestingly. There is music matched to scenes that should be totally inappropriate, yet it still works. If Bernard Herrmann ever scored a kung fu comedy, it would probably sound something like this.
This movie also needs 50% more monsters, so I'm putting together creature appendages. I had wanted to do them stop-motion but the models weren't working out, so I'm doing it another way. Oddly enough, now they'll have more realistic motion and will probably look a lot better, but I still would have preferred using 1950s technology to make them.
Well, I guess that's about it and if you've actually read this far you deserve a treat, so here's a contest you can enter. If you can tell me the birthdays of my two cats, then you'll be entered in a drawing and you could be the winner of a pillow case full of old hair from the barber shop and a plastic flower. And if you can think of a better contest than that...let me know and I'll be sure to enter it too.
3/5/05
FINALLY UPDATING
Lots of updates going up today. I moved the Spider Ghost short film to the Poopie page, and updated the Shockheaded section of the website with some reviews and pictures from the premiere. There are also several other new Poopies added, ranging from the boringly artistic to pages of me getting spanked by horror movie actresses. O, what a varied species is man!
Also, the hard drive to my computer that I'm editing Fifth City on is dying. Will I be able to save the entire movie, or just the parts I've managed to grab off of there? We'll see!
More to come! Maybe!
Um...until then, here's Debbie Rochon putting up with me.
10/25/04
HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2004 VERSION
No cheapo still photo this year! Nope, this year Piranha Pictures brings you a special short film...perhaps the scariest thing you'll ever see or could imagine seeing. Check out Spider Ghost on the main page!
Also, all three of our loyal viewers may notice that the message boards are dead. We moved to a new server, and the boards weren't able to come over. It doesn't bother me all that much because I just threw them up one day on a whim since it came with the service, and it's not like they were really used a lot. I didn't think they would be, as not many of my friends are the types of people who would post on a message board. Quantly, a few didn't even know how to sign up. That is so 1785.
Goodbye message boards.
Born Some Month in 2004-Died a Few Days Ago
8/8/04
TODAY I'M FULL OF GOODWILL AND CHEESE FRIES
So last night was the big show. We didn't have a huge crowd, both because of people having prior commitments, and also because of my warnings of the content. I think if Shockheaded was more of a nice audience-friendly show we'd have had twice the number. But as is, I think we had a good turnout. And afterward, some of us retired to the great suburban cookery Lone Star.
Wow, Lone Star...a little known fact is that, for about two years, I ate there pretty much every Friday night with my friend David Seidel. That's how boring we are. Did you guys know this fact? I bet you didn't. I think I ordered the exact same thing every time, too.
Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who came, and say that you broke my heart if you didn't, but one day I might...just might...get over it. I hope to have some pictures up soon, which translates to "maybe there will be some pictures up in a few weeks along with some asinine captions."
I'd also like to mention that we even had a walkout once the violence started. So, I apologize to Gordon DelGiorno's girlfriend who didn't get to see the last twenty minutes of the movie, but probably got to listen to some pretty good music in their car.
8/4/04
LOCAL SHOCKHEADED SHOWING!
We're having a showing of Shockheaded at 7pm at the Rosborough Theater in Gaithersburg, MD this Sat. That's Aug 7. It's a small-scale affair, as mostly people who participated in the making are going to show. Yet we have a 250 seat theater, which will be, at most, 1/10 full. So, if you have nothing better to do with your life than hang out with a bunch of strangers and take in a free show, stop on by!
And I'd have to say, if you're reading this news page right now, then there's a 84% chance that you don't have anything better to do with your life. So honestly, you don't really have an excuse for not coming.
Directions can be found here: http://www.montgomeryplayhouse.org/directions.htm
7/20/04
SHOCKHEADED IS A WINNER! A SUREFIRE WINNER!
Well, Shockheaded has had its run at the Microcinemascene Fest. It ended up winning "Best Horror Movie," so kudos to everyone involved! As I understand it, I'll be getting a plaque of some sort. I'll be sure to divide it up equally for everyone who helped out. As I hear, it was one of the most talked about movies shown, along with one called Red Cockroaches.
Also, Debbie Rochon won for "Best Comedy Performance" for Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots. Odd...that one sounds scary, so why did she win a comedy award? I mean it even has the word "Horror" right in the title. I don't understand these festival people.
6/15/04
SURVIVOR IS ON SUMMER HAITUS
Now that Survivor is off the air, let's get back to updates!
First of all, Shockheaded has been invited to it's first film festival! It's called Microcinemafest, not to be confused with local show MicroCineFest. See, this one has an extra "ma." And different letters are capitalized. If you want to check it out, go to www.microcinemafest.com. Oddly enough, another movie is playing there that stars Debbie Rochon. It's called "Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots." I met the director Paul Scrabo and he's a swell guy. I heard that the subtitle to the festival is "Debbiephantasmagoramania," but that might just be a rumor.
Right now we're still working on the DVD of Shockheaded. I've never done that before. Meaning, I've never worked before. Jason Russler made a few prototypes, but there were some problems with them. Now we have some great new software and it looks like we're going to be able to make the DVDs with it, and even preserve the widescreen aspect ratio we shot on.
But enough of this, you say! When do you get to see it? The answer is...sometime! I was looking at some theaters but they were all super expensive, or booked solid. However, I found a spot that's right in the center of pretty much everyone in the DC/VA/MD area, and it's a cool spot. I hope to get that settled very soon. I was also hoping to have the DVDs made by then, but that might not be a possibility. But, maybe so. Or not. We'll see. If not, I'll mail them out after the show.
In non-Shockheaded news, the rough cut to Fifth City is complete. I got it made in a few weeks, and I think it's really good. It's weird and hopefully funny with lots of action, and just loaded with cameo appearances by people you may or may not have heard of! I'd say a solid third of the movie is people getting punched. Right now I'm about halfway through the sound design, and King of All Music Jason Russler is working on some themes.
Lastly, since David Stewart gave me ten dollars, I said I'd put this link up for him. It's a temp trailer for his new movie Confinement. Check it out at http://www.davidstewartproductions.com/WbPgs/CONFINEMENT/trailer_cf.htm. And if you ever wondered what I'd look like as a rockabilly swordsman with a snakeskin jacket and dyed black hair, which I'm sure most of you have...well, here's your chance.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT. $10 GETS YOU A PLUG FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT.
Now, while Survivor may be gone, at least the new season of the Joe Shmoe Show is on, so I'm out!
3/12/04
AND ONE DAY THE LORD SAID "LET THERE BE SHOCKHEADED!"
And...there was!
3/5/04
NOW YOU CAN YAK LIKE AN OLD WOMAN!
On our fabulous new message boards! I created them since they came free with this web package. I don't know how well this will work out, seeing as most people I know could care less about posting on a message board, so we'll see. At least you could join and say how awesome I am!
Memo from me to you: I'm awesome.
So go and visit! Maybe some hot babes will be there! And we could always talk about Lord of the Rings. We already have eight whole members!
http://www.piranha-pictures.com/forum/
And don't forget to watch the trailer for Shockheaded! It's free! And Billy Zane himself told me it was very cool. So I've got that going for me.
2/15/04
DO YOU LIKE...TRAILERS???!
If you like Quicktime trailers that are around 10 MB, and you're on the Piranha Pictures website, then you might want to check out the brand new, shiny fun time trailer for Shockheaded!
Go on, you know you want to!
In other news, in keeping with the Piranha Pictures tradition of getting four star reviews from Film Threat, check this out! I call it "the bootleg review," because this is based on a 95% finished version.
11/30/03
COLORING INSIDE THE LINES
You know what's a lot of fun? Color correcting a movie when you're partially color blind.
Somebody kill me.
11/9/03
NEW GNUS
All right you mugs, there's some new stuff around here so listen up! Our amazing adventures at the Twisted Nightmare Weekend had been chronicled in full, so check it out! Right Below!
Twisted Nightmare Convention recap
Also, all of the digital effects have been finished on Shockheaded. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say there are about a hundred and fifty of them. The funny thing is, some of the most complicated ones are the ones that are unnoticeable. We had to reconstruct entire buildings and cityscapes for some of the shots, and you simply can't tell what's real and what's fake. Special thanks go out to David Stewart Productions for handling the hardest ones. We're going to have a contest. If you can correctly identify every single effect, just write us a postcard and I'll mail you an ice cream cone!
10/22/03
HAPPY HALLOWEENIES FROM PIRANHA PICTURES!
Don't stay up too late, don't eat too much candy, and you probably shouldn't read books of evil either. But at least evil books don't make you fat. Unless you do a spell that turns you into a walrus or some fat guy.
By the way, that's the genuine Book of the Dead prop from Evil Dead 2.
I don't know about you, but I'm askeered!
9/9/03
WEBSITE UPDATE AND APPEARANCE INFO
I'm still working on the digital effects for Shockheaded, but here's some junk for you to read! My webmaster Robert just updated the website with all kinds of great stuff! New links! And finally, the Poopie page has been updated with some articles I wrote for zines, some cheesecake photos I took of Christi Etcher for a magazine interview, and the fabulously exciting second part to the Adventures at a Nerd Convention series...Pittsburgh Comic Con!
The third part of this riveting series will be continued when I appear as a guest at the Twisted Nightmare Convention, which is being held in glorious Akron, Ohio! This would be my first time having a table at one of these cons, and I fully intend on getting rich and fat and living off the spoils. I'll sell autographed pictures of myself! And bootlegs of my own movies! And Sno-Cones!
Here's the most exciting part of the convention...the one, the only, star of V and Beastmaster...MARC SINGER WILL BE THERE! If you're my age and a guy, right now your jaw is dropping to the floor because Marc Singer was the personification of our manly ideals. He killed aliens! He killed monsters! He killed Rip Torn! He had ferrets!
So if you happen to be around the Akron area, stop by and see us! Right now we're working on our itinerary for the weekend. So far we have:
1) Arrival
2) Challenge Marc Singer to a fight.
3) Get my ass kicked by Marc Singer.
4) Make eight thousand dollars selling trash nobody needs!
Also, we just got put onto a new server, so if you have a link to us, better make sure it points to www.piranha-pictures.com! If it points to the old Crosswinds address, then your link will be dead. This new server is pretty great. They have a free message board we can use, so I'm thinking about adding it. I have no clue how to do it though. But if we were sucessful, we could be like every Internet message board out there and discuss Lord of the Rings, or the extended version of Lord of the Rings, or The Two Towers, or the Lord of the Rings books, or the upcoming Two Towers extended edition, or the upcoming Return of the King, or Star Wars.
7/10/03
NOW YOU CAN LISTEN TO SHOCKHEADED WITH BOTH EARS!
I just finished the stereo mix for Shockheaded. This is the first time I've mixed for stereo, and it was very exciting...I felt like one of those nerds who sit their studios and agonize over which speaker to have a caterpillar burp in. Even though this is mixed in stereo, there are very few times where I actually make good use of it. Mainly, you hear the stereo in the music.
That Jason Russler, trying to upstage me again...I hate that freaking hippie!
Also, a question of the ages has just been answered...what would Eric look like if he wore a snakeskin jacket and spray painted his hair black, and ran around in the woods with a sword killing people? That's just been answered! I'm playing a part in David Stewart's movie "Confinement," and if you want to check it out, go here: http://www.davidstewartproductions.com/WbPgs/CONFINEMENT/confinement.htm
That's most of the exciting stuff. Next time you hear from me, all of the digital effects will be finished! David Stewart has done a few, and I just figured out how to make digital blood, so I can be like the nerds who create their own Star Wars fan films in their backyard and agonize over what color the lightsabers should be as they paint them in frame by frame.
I'm thinking about putting a message board on the site. I wonder if anyone would actually go if I did? If everyone came, then we could talk about all kinds of stuff, and be like those nerds who are on the Internet all day and argue over which season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was best.
Correct answer: ALL of them! Except for the last season. That one sucked!
6/18/03
NEWS ABOUT MUSIC AND OTHER STUFF! ACTUALLY, JUST ABOUT MUSIC
The soundtrack is officially finished! I had to download the final few files, which on my puny 56k took me about five hours. And, even though for once in several months it wasn't raining outside, I stayed in all day and worked on the sound mix, which is now almost finished.
And now that the music is completed, I'd like to take the time to burn my bridges and spread some lies and rumors about our composer Jason Russler.
Jason eats worms. I saw him do it once.
Jason said his favorite character in literature in Jar Jar Binks. I don't know where to start on what's wrong with that one!
Jason likes to invite hobos into his house and kill them, then do puppet shows with the corpses.
However, Jason has his own website now! And YOU are invited to go! There's a bunch of his weird arsty music on there that if you remark you don't like it, the beret-wearing snobs will point out how obviously stupid you are. And there are REAL tracks from Shockheaded on there, in glorious mp3 FORMAT!!! So now you can go to the site and pretend that you're a Hollywood bigwig and listen to the music and smoke cigars! It's SO MUCH FUN! And FREE!!!
If you choose to visit Jason, then go here:
http://russler.apricothosting.com
If you don't go, he might get depressed and hide in his bathroom for a few days, so I hope you all drop by. Tell your friends! Make a game of it!
6/3/03
SHOCKHEADED KEVIN BACON GAME
I just thought you should know that now you can play the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game in relation to Shockheaded! Here's how...
Shockheaded has Debbie Rochon in it.
Debbie Rochon was in Final Exam with Kari Wuhrer.
Kari Wuhrer was in The Crossing Guard with Jack Nicholson
Jack Nicholson was in A Few Good Men with...Kevin Bacon! See? It's fun and easy!
And speaking of Kari Wuhrer, if anyone happens to have her phone number I'd appreciate it if they could forward that to me. She wouldn't mind, because I already had it. See, I always kept it in my left shoe, but then one day I decided that I wasn't artsy enough to be a visionary movie director, so I threw all of my left shoes away, and I wore two right ones instead. I decided to stop due to the excessive foot bleeding. But anyway, I forgot the phone number was in my left shoe, and now it's gone.
I figured that since Debbie worked with Kari that she would have it, so I sent her an e-mail. I got a cryptic reply that said "Eric, I've warned you for the last time to stop e-mailing me, and sending me doll's heads, and showing up at my apartment and screaming at my plants. You're now in violation of the restraining order. I'm not going to report you to the police this time, because I feel sorry for you as you're obviously mentally unbalanced. But if you contact me ONE MORE TIME, I will have you arrested."
Weird, someone must have hacked her e-mail. I'll have to let her know about that.
5/26/03
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Well, I'm 30 now. I guess I won't be up for anymore of those young starlet roles.
4/23/03
SHOCKHEADED UPDATE
It's been awhile since the last update because I had to move from the comfort and warmth of Virginia to the stink of Maryland. It's pretty nice here. You can eat all the dead crabs you can find! I can imagine all of you sitting at home in the corner with your arms wrapped around your knees, rocking back and forth thinking "where's my Piranha Pictures update? If I don't get it soon, I'm going to go crazy!" Well put that shotgun down because here it is!
First of all, Shockheaded is in what will be pretty much the final cut. I might trim a tiny bit here and there, but for all purposes it's finished. I'd spent some time basically cutting a few frames from half the cuts in the movie, which helped pick up the pace. It's almost imperceptible, but it made the movie better. Wow, think of all the life I lost doing that. Just think about it. Pretty lame, eh?
I spent some time in dirty Pennsylvania with the music composer Jason Russler. We have good synergy. He would toil on the music as I sat next to him reading Calvin and Hobbes comics, only stopping to occasionally look up and sneer at him and say "that sucks. Do something that sounds good." But Jason did indeed end up doing something good. As of now, the music is mostly finished except for a few small pieces, and when I get the rest I'll be mixing the audio for the entire movie, which is fairly easy to do. And then it's just about done, and I'll make videos for everyone, and then we can have a big party, and then I'll go home and be all depressed because it's finished and miss the good times I had all alone in my darkened room with no friends to talk to except for the rats which aren't really my friends because I like to throw plates at them.
And then I'll do it all again and cut Fifth City together, which won't take nearly as long to finish.
Special note: Jason Russler said one scene in Shockheaded was really disgusting, which makes my disgusting heart feel good. And remember, you can see real life video of us creating the music! Click here! Click now!
In other sort-of Piranha Pictures news, I did the commentary for Lethal Force along with Alvin Ecarma, Kent Bye, and Danny Fielding. Lethal Force is going to be released by a major video company. I know they released a movie starring Jeri Ryan, who was that hot Star Trek chick in the space bondage outfit. And who can follow that up? Not me! So see you later suckers!
2/3/03
BIG NEWS
I stubbed my toe. It was my little one, but it still hurt.
12/15/02
NEWS TO BORE YOU
As you're reading this...right now...the music is being worked on by composer Jason Russler. I know that he's a great composer because he has a goatee. When I talk to him, I can imagine him running his fingers through it as he contemplates, perhaps enjoying the rubbing feeling like a cat. Maybe he finds the odd bit of food. But mostly, he gets inspiration. Not long ago I went to where he lives in State College and worked with him for four days on some of the tracks. It's coming along, but slowly, because Jason's an artist. The goatee gives him away.
Now you might be saying "I wish I wasn't a pathetic jerk who isn't involved in the exciting world of the movies like the guys at Piranha Pictures, but I am so I might as well just fall over and die and let my body become a haven for mushrooms!" Now there's a solution! Click the link below to be involved in the glamorous world of Piranha Pictures as I discuss the music score with Jason Russler! Pretend you're right there with us! Imagine your job is the guy who shines my shoes even though they're made of canvas, or the girl who gets me dates with over the hill models, or the heroin getter!
Just remember, discussing a film's music score is an intense, involved process, so you might be confused by the lingo.
Click here for behind the scenes music discussion!
Also, I have put up some of the action scenes from 23 Hours because I get a number of e-mails asking how it can be seen. Well, right now it can't, but you can at least see bits of it in really crappy quality! Go check them out!
10/31/02
HAPPY HALLOWEEN OF TERROR
Don't eat too many of those delicious Halloween treats!
8/27/02
A SECRET FROM ME TO YOU
I know that this is a movie website, but I thought this needed to be said.
Lately I noticed that I was being followed all the time. I didn't know who it was, so this morning I made a plan. I got in my car and drove to the grocery store. I didn't see a car following me, but I had the feeling that I was being watched. So I parked in the parking lot of the local Sav U Mart, and headed inside. But then I got tricky...I went for the back door and ran out. I heard someone following me, trying to keep up. So what I did was, after I went out the back door, I just stopped in my tracks in order to see who was following me. And there they were.
Three monkeys in party dresses!
I think they were blue dresses, but I'm sort of color blind, so they could have been more of a purple. But here's the weird thing...I think they were males!
I turned to those monkeys and said "all right you dirty monkeys, prepare to feel the wrath of my two fists of anger!" At least it was close to that. I can't remember exactly, but I will err on the side of making me sound really awesome and angry. Unfortunately the monkeys pulled out rocket-powered toasters and flew away on them, leaving me shaking several points of my body with fear and rage.
So now the monkey war is on! And I need to enlist YOU!
If you care about this country, and your freedoms, and your friends and mothers and placentas and dinosaur skeletons and supermodels and sweet juicy kittens, HERE IS WHAT TO DO!
First: Board up your house. If there's one thing I know about monkeys, they get in through open spaces.
Second: Call your Congressman. Warn him of the upcoming invasion. If he doesn't believe you, call every single hour. Eventually he will.
Third: Stock up on canned goods. Open the cans. Mix the food with rat poison. Leave the poisoned food outside with a sign that reads "Hey monkeys, come and eat this delicious food!" If this ploy works, the monkeys will come to eat the food. When they approach, blow their heads off with a shotgun.
Fourth: Anti-monkey propaganda! Build websites! Walk the street with signs! To get the most attention, paint warnings on your house! You laugh now, BUT WILL YOU BE LAUGHING WHEN A DRESS WEARING MONKEY IS CLEANSING HIS PALATE WITH YOUR EYEBALLS? I DON'T THINK SO!
Finally: Prepare for the end of the world.
Now you might be reading this and think ERIC HAS LOST IT! But NO! I have FOUND THE TRUTH! We are not alone on this planet! You might say "Eric, don't be the whistleblower on this issue! What about your reputation?" I DON'T CARE! I freaking hate monkeys! If this means that my reputation will take a hit, I can live with that. I WILL BE VINDICATED!
ALL WHO DO NOT BELIEVE SHALL SOON DO SO AND THEY WILL THEN KNOW AND BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE SAID TO BE THE TRUTH AND SHALL BELIEVE THAT TRUTH AND SHALL DISBELIEVE UNTRUTH AND SHALL LOOK DOWN ON EVERYONE ELSE LIKE THE STINKY UNBELIEVERS THAT THEY ARE! TRUST ME! I KNOW FOR A FACT THE FACTS THAT I KNOW!
7/4/02
SHOCKHEADED FINISHED! SORT OF!
Principle photography for Shockheaded has wrapped, and editing is underway. We still have to shoot some small insert junk, but that will be taken care of soon enough.
6/27/02
NEW UPDATES ON THIS WONDERFUL WASTE OF TIME
Here's a link to a new review:
http://www.secretscrolldigest.com/reviews/23hours.html
Finally updated the shooting diary in the Shockheaded section. Go and waste a chunk of your life reading it! And my lazy webmaster has also put up scans of the recent magazines that Piranha Pictures has appeared in, namely Femme Fatales and The Dark Side. They're in the Press section. So nice.
Lastly, I appeared in a television pilot Piranha Pictures alum David Stewart directed called "The Return of the Cheyenne Kid." Go to his website and check it out!
http://www.davidstewartproductions.gq.nu/
5/8/02
STILL SHOOTING WITH PRESS ON THE SIDE
All of the sudden, we're getting some play in magazines. There's a mag called Femme Fatales, which is a glossy national publication devoted to beautiful women who star in nerd movies. You can find it in pretty much any big bookstore. Anyway, there's a three-quarter page picture from Fifth City of me fighting off Jasi Lanier's advances. Just like in real life. Although every other picture gets a rundown of who's in it or what movie it's from, the huge one gets nothing, so no one knows who we are or why she's fighting a milkman.
Another mag that we appeared in is a British horror publication called The Dark Side. Hey, those Brits are all right! Don't know how readily accessible this mag is, but I got a copy at Tower. This one has a big article on Stateside horror movies, which I love because I haven't actually made a horror movie, unless you count the best unseen werewolf movie I made starring a killer carpet with forks for teeth that I tried to pass off as a wolf. My favorite part of this article is that they ran the shot from Fifth City (taken from the website without my precious permission!) where Cash Flagg Jr. and I are doing wirework without the wires, kicking at each other. Everyone asks if that pic is PhotoShopped. I don't even know how to use PhotoShop. Anyway, the pic is identified as from "Eric Thornette's Lethal Force." I love that because:
a) It's Eric Thornett.
b) The picture is from Fifth City
c) It implies that I directed Lethal Force, which I didn't.
While I like to complain about this (because it makes for much more interesting reads, no?) I think it's a nice novelty to be a flash in the pan, and to inflict my goofy face upon all of America. Take that suckers!
As for shooting, we've finally gotten to do some more. Production kept being put on haitus because everytime we were going to shoot, we would get hit with a tornado. Plus I'm a lazy, lazy man. I'll be updating the production diary page soon.
Lastly, the rough cut of Shockheaded (excepting for scenes that haven't been shot yet) has been finished. As it now stands, the flick is 90 minutes long and will probably be about ten minutes longer than that.
So that makes for 100 minutes.
3/20/02
STILL SHOOTING AND OTHER JUNKS
A bunch of new reviews have come out for our last pic 23 Hours. Psychotronic gave it a good review, albiet in the usual vague way. My favorit line is "There is a freak out scene and ticking clocks." For a review you can check out yourself, go to this link and read!
http://www.coldfusionvideo.com/0-9/23hours.html
Things are coming along with Shockheaded. We are getting near the end. Go checkedy-check the diary page, which up until today I have been lax in updating.
Go now!
2/15/2002
SHOCKHEADED HAS BEGUN!
That's right dawgs, shooting has begun on this fine pic! Go check out the Shockheaded page and read all about the shooting! Just follow yon link!
1/15/02
BIG THINGS! BIG...THINGS?
Preparation is under way to begin shooting our new junks SHOCKHEADED. With big stars! And not so big stars! If all goes well, shooting will begin this very week. I shall keep all of you loyal suckers updated. And by the way, welcome to the New Year, suckers!
11/6/01
FIFTH CITY...WRAPPED!
It's done! All done!
The last night of shooting went down a few days ago in Baltimore, or as I like to call it, Stinktown. Why? Because I got robbed at gunpoint, and apparently armed robbery isn't much of a priority for the cops. I got caught on the way to my car, and they didn't even give me a lift back. So, dear Stinktown, please drown in your own filth.
But in happier news, Fifth City has wrapped. Incidentally, I was in Baltimore attending a showing of LETHAL FORCE at Microcinefest, and it picked up both the jury and audience awards. Plus it recently tied with Eric Stanze's SCRAPBOOK for the B-Movie Film Festival's Best Picture, so I guess Alvin and Eric will have to fight over it. I think it's possible he can take the Wicked Pixel boys, because he knows kung fu, but Eric Stanze has guys who make heads explode at will, so it could be even. The only person to win any individual awards for LETHAL FORCE was me, for Best Cinematography and Action Scene. I called Ron Bonk at Sub Rosa to talk about this, and if I recall correctly, this is how our discussion went.
Eric- Where's my awards?
Ron- I'll be sending them in the mail.
Eric- I want them now!
Ron- You'll have to be patient. By the way, tell Alvin I really enjoyed Lethal Force.
Eric- Alvin's a hack! Gimme my awards!
Ron- Why do you sound so weird? Hey...are you drunk?
Eric- Shut up!
So now editing starts, right? Well hold on there pardners! FIFTH CITY is the last of the series, but there is still another movie to be made that goes betwixt 23 HOURS and this one. It is called SHOCKHEADED, and I truly don't know how to describe it. It's something the likes of which I've never made before, so we'll see how it works out. It's Piranha Pictures' version of an art film, except that lots of people get killed. As of now, the only actor firmly in the movie is Jason Wauer as the lead. I'm still sorting out the rest. But this is a very serious movie with no real action, so the question is, will I make it stupid, or can I reign in all of my natural impulses? Only time will tell! We will shoot this movie and edit it at the same time, and then finish FIFTH CITY up. I plan on shooting this film very fast, in under ten days if all goes well, and the editing will be just as quick, so it won't be much of a detour. Besides, while I'm doing this I'll be working on the effects for FIFTH CITY, which are extensive and numerous. Jason's been on a super-duper diet for awhile to get a starved-out anime look, and I'm going to be finalizing casting very soon, and shooting will begin. In fact, the other day, I called up Jason Wauer to discuss this film and the way I thought he should play this role. I think our conversation went something like this:
Jason- I'm really excited about doing this movie. I think it'll be great.
Eric- Yeah, whatever.
Jason- So do you have any input for me?
Eric- I don't know! Why are you asking me?
Jason- You're the director!
Eric- I think this movie needs lots of boobs in it, don't you?
Jason- What the...you sound weird. Do you have a golf ball stuck in your mouth again?
Eric- Shut up!
New developments about the soon-to-be beloved film FIFTH CITY will come as I get off'n my duff and post them.
The End.
10/31/01
SCARY HALLOWEEN!
Watch out for witches or those evil black Halloween kitties!
9/11/01
7/4/01
HAPPY 4th OF FUN!
It's the 4th of July, the time of year when we Americans celebrate fireworks. I think that's what the holiday is for...or the deliciousness of pumpkins, I can't remember. Anyway, shooting is still going sweet, and we should be finished with principal photography in a little over a month. Hopefully. Maybe. Anyway, be sure to know what's going on! Read the production journal on the official Fifth City page right here!
Go on! There's all manner of hilarious anecdotes to be found!
5/24/01
FILMING GOODNESS
Filming is going swimmingly. Everything's going just swell, thanks. And check out the "Fifth City" page in the Moving Pictures section. It's got a journal that I personally update after each day of filming. So I'm the one to thank and curse and send money to. Be lazy and take this direct link suckas!
IT...HAS BEGUN!
That's right, production has commenced on our newest feature, called "Fifth City." It's a story. A story about a man. And some other men. And a woman. This film will be the last in what we call the Fifth City Chronicles, and will be shot back to back with the film that preceeds it. In other words, we're shooting the last film first and the second-to-last-film second. Why? Because the special effects for "Fifth City" will be so extensive, it will take quite a while to complete them, and in that time the editing will be finished on the other feature, which is currently being called "Shockheaded."
So what's the deal about "Fifth City?" Basically I don't know how to describe it, but it's primarily a martial arts film with the usual sci-fi/horror/mystery trappings. And I'm talking about hardcore kung fu here. It will easily be the most elaborate kung fu film made in the independent world. Usually I don't like to hype things like that, but for this movie, that's the deal. Here's the first still taken during a shot.
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You can get to the "Fifth City" page by choosing the Moving Pictures link on the main page. Or if you're a lazy bum, you can access the page by clicking on this link!
4/16/01
BALTIMORE GOODNESS!
Just got back from the Johns Hopkins Film Festival, where "23 Hours" had several jam-packed showings. Not only that my friends, but also playing there was the world premiere of "Lethal Force," a movie by Alvin Ecarma, a well-known underground filmmaker. Wait...well-known yet underground? Does that make sense? Anyway, I was brought in to direct the action scenes, which came off quite well, as did the entire picture. The audience really enjoyed both movies, so it was a good festival of love. Where's the photos you say? Please put up photos or you'll stick a hand grenade in your mouth and pull the pin you say? Just be patient! I'll get some pictures up soon. Just try to hold on!
In other news, we are very close to starting production of the newest Piranha Picture. And that I'll tell about some time in the future. So now you have two reasons to live.
2/14/01
FINALLY!
Would you like to see the events at Slamdance faithfully brought to your lazy self, as you sit at the computer and vicariously join Jason Wauer and I on our trip? Well then check out our Slamdance page! Its permanent home is on the "23 Hours" page under the link "Adventures of a Finished Film." See the movie stars we met! And see the parties! And how many times we were snubbed by movie stars at parties!
1/19/01
GOODBYE EVERYONE! GOODBYE!
I'm typing this out just hours before the big flight to Park City where I can bask in all sorts of movie star goodness. I'll be headed out there with Jason Wauer, although he's only staying for a few days. So I'll leave you with this cliffhanger: what will happen? Will Eric freak out on the plane and have to be tied down to his seat after he sees a gremlin on the wing? Will Eric successfully hit on any starlets? Will the Piranha Pictures team run into Billy Zane and finally give him his comeuppance? Who knows! Or cares! But we'll find out!
So in the words of our only great modern-day poet Homer Simpson, see ya suckers!
12/22/00
WOW! SO MUCH NEWS OF GOODNESS!
We're going to Slamdance! That's right, the good folk out there have decided to invite 23 HOURS to show at their wonderful festival. Head...swelling....thinking...We're better than everyone else...Sorry, I'm better now. Our showtimes are 9pm Sunday the 21st at Brewvies, and 7pm Thursday the 25th in the lounge. Check out Slamdance right here:
http://www.slamdance.com/2000/
Dictator-in-charge Eric Thornett plans to be there, and will possibly be joined by lead actor David Stewart. We fully plan to hit on starlets and have our picture taken with the Toxic Avenger. So if any starlets or Troma people are reading this, send us a line on the About Us page! This is like a cliffhanger: will respectability destroy Piranha Pictures? I hope not, but Eric's a big sellout, so beware!
In other news, a movie that Piranha Pictures was semi-involved in is online. It's a short film called "Low Budget Stuntman," starring stunt genius Mica. About half of the film is clips of our pictures. Co-founder David Stewart created this film. A few days ago it was the number one downloaded film, who knows what it is now? Check it out and see!
It's a great flick, and was a big hit at the Short Attention Span Film Festival. You the man Mica!
10/22/00
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! OF SCARINESS!
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Hello my scared little friends! It's Halloween, the
scariest time of year right after the Presidential elections. It's the
time of year to put on five pounds eating your kid's candy. The time
of year to dress up as scary demons and ghosts as if you were five years
old. The time of year to visit graveyards at midnight and get eaten
by the walking dead. Sigh. I love this time of year.
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10/01/00
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Beaten! Beaten! Beaten by Billy Zane! Billy! Zane!!!
This is Eric Thornett. I'm typing this from the burn ward in the Fairfax Hospital. True to my word, I set my face on fire in protest of our loss. It hurt. I had some photos taken but they didn't come out very well, so you'll just have to take my word for it I guess. Yes, we were beaten by Billy Zane's movie "I Woke Up Early the Day I Died." The fest was quite enjoyable, and at least I managed to get my grubby paws on Roxanne Michaels for a photo. You can see the pictures from this event on the 23 Hours page, "Adventures of a Finished Film."
Oddly enough, I managed to meet up with Billy Zane a few days ago. I said "Well, your movie beat mine in the B-Movie FIlm Festival." He didn't even know it had been entered. I said that it was very interesting, and that I thought he did a great job. "Thank you," he said. I told him that although I was a little bitter at him for winning, it wasn't his fault. "Nice of you to say," he told me. Then I told him if I ever saw him again I would make him sorry. "I already am," he said. I told him that he shouldn't be so rude. He said "You're right and I'm sorry. Would you please put the dynamite away now?" I said sure.
THE END
8/11/00
THE REIGN BEGINS
The first film festival that Piranha Pictures has sent "23 Hours" to has nominated it for Best Picture. The festival is called the B-Movie Theater Film Festival, run by Sub Rosa, one of the leading distributors of the low-low-budget film. They can be found here:
This would be "The Fugitive" style of nomination, in that we were not nominated in any other major categories. Not for Eric Thornett's tepid direction or screenplay. Not for any of the actors. Not for cinematography or editing or set design. Not for Best Foreign Film. Yet somehow, it's up for Best Picture. Very odd, but who's complaining? Best to be Best Picture, not that I think it has any chance at winning, but at least now we can go to the festival and hit on starlets. The only other nomination we have received is for Best Musical Score. So to everyone who lent their talent to the music, from vincent van go-go's songs to Birdheart Pie (the band)'s score, to Ryan Owen's opening guitar riff. You guys all rock. And how.
Now let me state for the record, so any of you folk from the nominating committee who may be reading this take note: if Piranha Pictures does not win for Best Picture, Eric Thornett will set his face on fire. I'm not kidding. He has even signed a document that has been notarized. If the film does not win, he will douse his face with gasoline (or maybe kerosene if it's cheaper) and light it. So if you're voting, keep this in mind. It's on your heads if he lights his own face on fire. There's no one else to blame. Especially not Eric.
And anyone who would appreciate a bribe, we have collected a pool of money totaling $3.67. It can be all yours.
